Beyond Brotherhood: The Hidden Costs of Bradri in Muslim Communities

 From Turmoil to Healing: My Ongoing Journey Towards Triumph.

" You don't need to explain why you're protecting your soul from harm.

 You really don't.” ― Najwa Zebian, Mind Platter

Have you ever felt the sting of putting your heart and soul into something, only to see it unravel before your eyes? It's a gut-wrenching experience. Imagine dedicating every ounce of your energy, whether it's in your career or in a relationship, believing that everything is on the right track. Then, out of nowhere, you're hit with news that shatters your perception, a reality check that all your efforts may have been in vain. This is exactly what I faced, and the devastation was overwhelming. I felt a deep sense of loss and disappointment, unable to recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror. The dreams I had nurtured seemed to crumble in an instant.

Giving your all—your hundred percent—and receiving nothing in return can be an incredibly painful experience. It's a feeling that many of us have encountered at some point in our lives. Can you relate? Have you ever found yourself in a situation where your hard work and dedication seemed to go unnoticed or unappreciated? The emotional toll it takes is immense, leaving you questioning your worth and the validity of your efforts. But it's in these moments of despair that we often find our true strength and resilience.

I couldn't eat for days; no matter what I tried, I couldn't swallow. My appetite vanished, and the mere thought of food made me nauseous. Nights became an ordeal as I battled sleep disorders, lying awake for hours, my mind racing with a torrent of thoughts. The concept of rest seemed foreign, and I felt trapped in a state of constant exhaustion. I couldn't feel any emotion—neither happiness nor sadness. It was as if all the colors had drained from my world, leaving everything in a dull, lifeless gray. I felt like a robot, devoid of any sense or feeling, moving through the days mechanically without any spark of life.

This sense of emptiness was compounded by the haunting realization that all the work I'd been dedicated to for years felt undeserving of my efforts. I was overwhelmed by thoughts questioning the purpose of my time, effort, and energy invested in what now seemed like temporary and fleeting things. Every small thing gave me anxiety—using my phone, the changing weather, different places, even the sound of rain tapping against the window. Simple activities that once brought comfort now heightened my sense of unease. Writing in my journal, a refuge for my thoughts and emotions, became a source of anxiety as well, as I struggled to find the words to express the turmoil within me.

The Path to Healing:

The initial step I took was gathering the courage to open up to my best friend. It wasn't easy, but I knew I needed to share what I was going through. She asked me to meet her and wanted to know what I felt like eating. I told her I craved spicy daliya because the bitterness from my medication had lingered in my mouth. Understanding my need, she made daliya with her own hands specifically for me. After what felt like an eternity, I finally managed to eat something again. That spicy daliya felt like a small victory after a week of barely managing to eat. As I took my first few bites, my friend sat beside me and gently said, "I know this is a tough phase for you, but trust me, I see so much good in it. In your current state, you may not be able to see it, but this is a blessing from the Almighty. Read two rakat nafil for shukrana." Those words struck a chord deep within me. It was a mixture of comfort and hope, a reminder that even in the darkest times, there might be a silver lining.

Listening to her, I struggled to control my tears. I didn't want to cry in front of her because I saw the sorrow, tears, and sadness in her eyes as she tried to console me. Her strength was palpable, and yet, I could feel her own pain. She held back her tears while talking to me, showing an immense amount of empathy and support. As we both took a cab home, she turned to me and said, "Look, this is your life, and it's your responsibility to take care of it. Whenever you feel something, just call." Her words were a beacon of light, reminding me that I wasn't alone in this journey and that I had someone who cared deeply about my well-being.

This moment marked the beginning of my healing process. It wasn't just the act of eating that made a difference, but the emotional support and the sense of being understood and cared for. It was a crucial step towards regaining my strength and finding a way to navigate through the turmoil I was facing.

Then I began to have conversations with myself, realizing that I needed to take care of my well-being. It suddenly dawned on me that if God hadn't intervened, I might have found myself in an even worse situation. This realization led me to start recognizing my self-worth and the importance of setting healthy boundaries. While some people find peace in listening to music, I chose to stop. It's been a month since I last listened to any songs. Instead, I created healthy boundaries, deciding not to use my phone after 8 PM until 11 AM the next day.

I also started reconnecting with my family, whom I had been neglecting, and began talking to people more openly. These steps gave me immense strength. I refrained from sharing my pain with too many people to avoid dwelling on it constantly. Instead, I embraced the pain, deactivated my social media accounts, and dedicated 30 days to my healing journey and mental health. If something was bothering me, I simply quit it. This period of self-care and introspection was crucial in helping me rebuild my life and regain my emotional balance.

 "When wounds are fresh, do not scratch them, otherwise they become deeper."

"Rediscovering Strength: My Healing Journey"

I was getting anxiety from everything, feeling that all the energy I had invested was wasted. While I never regret about money, time is precious to me, and I take it very seriously. Throughout this journey, I came to understand that some things are just not meant for me. My mind and heart grew tired of replaying the same scenarios, and one day I told myself, "Shut up, don't be silly, set some goals, and go outside." I've always taught myself that career and people are just parts of life, not my whole life. During this journey, I grew closer to God and prayed for strength to endure the pain. Then, one day, I woke up and found that the things which had been giving me anxiety were now bringing me peace. My healing journey is still ongoing.

You might think that I started working out or going to the gym, but the truth is, I spent days lying in bed. It might seem like depression, but during that time, I was reciting tasbeeh, which gave me immense strength. I truly believe that "God helps those who help themselves." I did everything I could to get through this tough phase, while silently believing that I would not do anything I might regret later. I allowed myself to feel my emotions, letting them come and go, rather than avoiding them.

This experience has taught me the importance of self-care and maintaining a connection with my faith. It’s a continuous journey of healing, and I am determined to keep moving forward. I haven't shared the specifics of my own experience, but some of my friends have asked me to write something for those who have been working so hard and yet feel they haven't achieved what they deserve. This message is for you: You are not alone. We are all in this journey together. To everyone who feels exhausted and disheartened, remember this—you still have time. Even if your soul feels tired, each new day offers a fresh start. Wake up with renewed hope and determination because today is your day. Embrace the possibilities and continue to strive towards your goals. You have the strength within you to overcome any obstacle. We are all here, supporting each other, and together, we can navigate through any challenge.